Friday, May 27, 2011

What Did You Expect?

Has everyone heard about the Northwestern University Human Sexuality class that was canceled after the professor had a voluntary, after class demonstration involving a non-student couple and their fucksaw?  No?  How this didn't blaze across the internet like the news of a Bieber shearing I'll never know.

It seems this past February, Professor John Michael Bailey invited a guest lecturer into class, one Ken Melvoin-Berg who runs the "Weird Chicago Red Light District Sex Tour" (I'm not making this up).  The esteemed speaker proceeded to inform the student that there would be a graphic exhibition following class, which some of the students chose to stick around for.  At which point, a couple (I assume they volunteered) climbed up onstage and the man proceeded to get his girlfriend off with the aforementioned fucksaw, while Berg narrated the goings on and held forth on topics such as proper usage of a fucksaw and how important it is to make sure you have the blessing of your partner before whipping it out. This went over about as well as you would expect and since, the class has been canceled and Bailey has been placed under investigation.  I can't help but think that this entire situation could have been avoided if people had applied a little bit of critical thinking to the matter. Observe.

What did you expect, Professor John Michael Bailey?  You invited some dude who runs an experience that he's named the "Weird Chicago Red Light District Sex Tour" to come speak to you college course, and apparently gave him carte-blanche to speak about and do whatever he wanted. Your course getting canceled was probably fated as soon as you heard the words "fucksaw demonstration" and that didn't raise any red flags for you. People support your school with donations and tuition;  how many parents and alumni do you think would be thrilled to find out that they're paying for this?  The alumni would be pissed that they weren't enrolled when this kind of stuff was getting offered, and most parents would probably prefer that their kids learn about things like power tool-sex toy hybrids in their spare time.

And further, what did you expect, students who stayed after for the demonstration that you had been warned would be graphic? There are three possibilities for how this shook out: either one of you complained, one of the people who didn't stay complained, or one of you told your parents about what happened and they complained.  Since I sincerely doubt that anyone would want to tell their mother about an experience like this, that leaves us with a student as the culprit, and I'm guessing it was one of you, as someone who left really shouldn't be offended enough to pursue this.  So you chose to stay for the show, and then afterwards wished you hadn't and decided that you should get your professor axed. Look, the guy clearly should have put the kibosh on this before the model climaxed all over your term papers, but it was voluntary.  You should be glad it wasn't on the final. And what's up with a bunch of college students leaving when they're being told there's going to be a graphic sexual act being performed for their viewing pleasure?  For shit's sake, you're what, 20?  Where are your raging hormones? You all should have been GLUED to those chairs.  All that free porn on the internet is de-sensitizing our youth.

And finally, what were you expecting, Northwestern University?  That this story wouldn't be reported with glee as soon as one snarky blogger got a hold of it?  Wouldn't it have been better to just give this guy a slap on the wrist and let him know that you don't think showing a bunch of college kids an orgasm is something that upholds the great tradition of your institution (although from what I've heard about straight college guys, there might be some women out there who are very thankful for the kind of education this may have provided)?  Instead, you have a news story about it, and your school is going to forever be associated, at least by me, with the phrase "fucksaw demonstration." Seriously, I promise sweeping this one under the rug was the the better choice.

In fact, I'd say the only people who got what they expected out of this were the exhibitionist couple who performed for the class.  They clearly got EXACTLY what they wanted, and are probably still getting it regularly at the thought of all those eyes glued on them, so more power to them. Also, that is one confident dude, as I don't know of any human pelvis that can match a rate of 2500 strokes per minute, which the fucksaw claims to reach. I bet they're a blast at parties. As the two most intelligent people who are a part of this story, I wish them and their fucksaw all the best.

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