Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Kindle Guilt

I moved this month (yes, I now co-habitate with my boyfriend), and I was shocked by something.  My book collection has dwindled.  My once proud, completely over-the-top ridiculous number of books has, over the years, been slowly shrinking like a polar ice cap and now I can carry my full collection of novels, plays and comics over to a new home in three stinking boxes.  Three!  The time was when I would have to carefully plan where to pack my books when I moved so no single box was over-burdened...and there is one reason for this change: my Kindle.

Let me say right now, I love my Kindle.  I mean, I fucking love my Kindle like it's made out of chocolate ice cream with peanut butter sauce and whipped cream.  I resisted getting one for a long time, then Vinay just gave me his because he never used it, and now I can't stop proverbially snorting coke off the hooker's tits.  Amazon has this amazing "Buy Now with 1-Click!" option which allows you to have the book you want to read in your hot little hands in about 30 seconds with "Delivery via Amazon Whispernet," and I abuse the easy access more with every day.

Short sidebar, what the hell is a "whispernet?"  Can any of my tech geeks answer this for me?  I know that in order to download the book I need to be connected to the INTERnet, so what's different about the WHISPERnet?  Is Amazon trying to brand the tiny little bit of web traffic that allows them to fire thousands of pages and millions of words into my little e-reader device in seconds?  And if so, why call it "Whispernet?"  Frankly, I find people who whisper the words while they read to be disturbing, as I it usually takes me a few seconds to realize that they aren't simply talking to themselves and/or the voices in their head.  I live in New York, you don't want to grab the seat on the subway with the secret crazy.  I digress.

My love affair with my Kindle has led to certain things I probably shouldn't cop to on a public blog, but we're all friends here.  I named my Kindle.  You know how some guys name their penis, and think they're the first one to come up with calling it Russell the Love Muscle?  I named my Kindle Clint Barton, CB for short.  Clint Barton, as I'm sure you don't know, is Hawkeye's real name.  Not Alan Alda from M*A*S*H, the comic book character who's a member of the Avengers, portrayed by Jeremy Renner in the film. I know, you don't know whether to laugh or cry at my ridiculous level of geekdom.  I spent my entire youth being oddly fascinated with Hawkeye and apparently I'll be spending my 30's oddly fascinated with my Kindle, so it tracks.  Luckily, while I was lusting after Hawkeye before I really realized what "lusting" meant, I think I'm safe in saying that I have not developed actual romantic feelings for Clint.  Yet.

I know you're thinking: well if you love it so much, why are you feeling guilty?  Well, because I love books.  I think books are the best decoration for any room.  I like physically having the book in my hands, and the smell of the pages, and lining a book series up in order; it warms my heart to see all seven Harry Potter books resting comfortably on a shelf.  Sadly, I live in New York and space doesn't support my book habit.  Double sadly, I'm an actor and I can get the books cheaper on my Kindle then I can in print.  Triple sadly...I just fucking love my Kindle.  It's so light and convenient!

I hope that I, and people like me, don't lead to the downfall of the written word.  There ain't nothing better than a book, and I buy books all the time for my nephews.  Real books, with pages and the inner cover that they can write their names in and the spines that they can break because they read it so many times.  And, after all, I'm still buying all of these books, only not in the format that I used to.  It's just that sometimes I'm overcome with the idea that I am part of the "problem."  I'm not even entirely sure what the "problem" is, but I really don't want to be a part of it if it's a "problem" with books.

Now excuse me, I have to go browse my Amazon recommendations to see if there are any books I want to buy.

1 comment:

Erika said...

How's this for a rationalization: books kill trees. Therefore, a kindle is better for the environment than books* and by using an e-reader, we are saving trees! Tress that we will need to climb and sustain us during the zombie apocalypse. Boo-ya! Problem solved.

*environmental impact of mass producing e-readers was not taken into consideration above. Leave me alone, hippies, I have work to do!