A Disrespectful Disagreement

I love Ellen Degeneres. She is, without a doubt, my favorite lesbian daytime talk show host. She dances everyday in the morning, she is completely unafraid to make fun of herself, and she is truly funny. The public persona that she has cultivated is the Queen of Nice, and I think she wears her crown well. Recently, Ellen hosted Republican presidential candidate John McCain on her show; you can watch the clip right here.

I am so tired of politicians and their "respectful disagreements." I now will write the response that I feel Ellen probably desperately wanted to give, but was too classy to do so on national television, and be perceived as the mean lesbian who beat up on the old man.

You know what, Senator McCain? There is absolutely nothing respectful about our disagreement on this issue. The word respect should not even factor into it...we can POLITELY disagree on it, which I suspect is what you meant to say. But not respectfully, because I have absolutely no respect for your opinion. Why should I? You clearly have no respect for me as a person, so why are we sitting here pretending? You don't believe that I deserve the same rights that you do, so you are, ultimately, a bigot. Unfortunately, you are a bigot on the public stage, so I'm forced to sit here and listen to this drivel spewing out of your mouth, and actually dignify it with a response. So here is my response, Senator McCain. You and the entire Republican party can suck it. How you got the nominee is a testament to how completely ridiculous the other Republican candidates were, since you are the single worst public speaker I have ever seen. Seriously, you could stand onstage and say "Baseball, Apple Pie and Freedom" and you would still manage to be about as charming as an unexpected colonic. Get off my show, and good riddance.

I'm fairly sure that's what I read behind Ellen's eyes during her far more measured, friendly and humorous response.

I hate politics. I really really do, and furthermore, I hate politicians. I know this whole country has been glued to the television watching the drama unfold between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. And by whole country, I mean the 3 million or so people who watch CNN. It recently ended, as I'm sure everyone knows, with Obama winning the nomination. Which means he will be the one I vote for in November, great glory hallelujah. Does he believe I have the right to get married? Nope. He believes civil unions are the way to go. I bet he's for, to quote Hillary, "a strong form of civil unions." He wouldn't get in the way of states giving us the right to marry, but will he support it? No, he will not. Well, congratulations, the first black man that we've ever nominated for president supports a policy that boils down to separate but equal. So our Democratic candidate doesn't support gay marriage. If that's true, he's a bigot just like Senator McCain. If not, he's just a coward, who's afraid to put out what might be a polarizing opinion. I suspect it's the latter. Isn't it the job of a leader to, oh what's the word that I'm looking for, oh right, LEAD? To do the right thing, and bring the people that follow him or her along? I guess that would be too much to hope for.

Please no one forward me Senator Obama's open letter to the LGBT Community. I've read it, and it's not enough. Please, everyone stop kidding yourselves into thinking that if he gets into office, he's going to do more for our community than he's promised. That's not how the world works, and it's definitely not how politicians work. He'll do the bare minimum he can to get our votes in 2012, which is very little, since he'll probably have to compete with someone along the lines of that old coot McCain. Remember Don't Ask, Don't Tell? Maybe when Obama gets into office, he'll get us civil unions, but we won't be able to tell anyone. The day he gets elected and disproves that I will happily write another posting on this website and eat crow. Until that happens, please, no one else send me any missives thinking that I might want to donate to his campaign, or volunteer to spread the word of hope, or give any of my time to promoting someone who won't stand up for one of my basic human rights. If you would like to, I'm glad. Truly, I'm happy you still have enough faith in people to believe in someone. I don't. If he wants my full support, he can prove himself worthy of it.

So yes, I'm voting for him in November. Not because I think he's the greatest thing since sliced bread. I'm voting for him because, when all is said and done, I guess a coward is better than a bigot. And Victoria will end me if I don't.

**My apologies (particularly to my dear friend Josh) for this posting not being the most humorous. But the Mets blew a 2 run lead in the bottom of the 9th (to lose their 6th game in the last 7) as I wrote this. I'm salty today. I'm a salt lick. I looked back at Sodom and Gomorrah and now I'm a pillar of salt. But enjoy the rant. I'll try to make sure the next entry is laugh-out-loud. Shouldn't be too hard. I'm very funny after all.**